Couples will go to a marriage counselor because once they make a commitment to each other they want to keep it.
Any family marriage counselor will tell you that the vast majority of all couples want to stay together. This feeling of commitment even trickles down to couples who have gone through a divorce. When asked, divorced couples will loudly state that they think marriage should be forever.
So the question then arises, why do so many people get divorced? In far too many cases people who are married that speak with a marriage and family counselor will not get proper advice. Their understanding on how to heal their marriage or prevent problems from occurring is incomplete and harmful.
When divorce became a viable option during the past few decades and society started viewing it with a “yawn”, the marriage counselor even the christen marriage counselor seemed to be leading couples down a path strewn with marriages that wouldn’t survive. What happened was that divorce stopped being stigmatized and started being viewed as a positive way of proceeding with life if your marriage encountered too many speed bumps.
Instead of couples asking for advice on how to find a marriage counselor they started asking about finding a marriage counselor that would relieve their anxiety about getting a divorce. All too often they would find someone who was more than willing to accommodate what they were really after. A wink and a nod towards putting their marriage back together again instead of good solid advice on how to save their relationship. All of this was done by people who would pass along to their clients inaccurate information about the terrible cost and the havoc that divorce would bring to these couples.
What started to happen was that a marriage counselor would not take sides. They would not say that it was better to stay in a marriage or to get out of it. What they would, and still do say, is that you should do whatever makes you feel good. What type of advice is that? That is telling a person who might already be angry to go ahead and give up on a commitment they made simply because they are not happy at the moment.
What people really should do before they get married is find a pre marriage counselor. Someone whose sole interest is vested in a couple that is thinking about getting married and making sure that they do everything possible to take care of problems, real or perceived, before they get married.
All too often people find out after they get divorced that they are not any happier. After it is too late divorced couples find out they were happier being married. The marriage counselor cost is cheap compared to the divorce lawyer cost. The lawyer has no interest if you stay together or get divorced. A good marriage counselor will try and help couples work their way through problems and come to an agreeable understanding. With all the help that is available, you can even get free counseling with a clergy or find an online marriage counselor, why do you suppose people give up on their marriages so easily?
I suppose it is because they talk to the wrong people, think the grass is greener on the other side, have unrealistic expectations, and don’t seek help from a qualified marriage counselor.